Not going as I had planned...

Today, I'm SO frustrated with my family situation. I live in my parents' home. We ALL have depression. We ALL have mental issues that prevent us from doing certain things in life...like living independently. But, it seems like some are using that more than others as an excuse to not do ANYTHING around the house. I get up, go to work, come home, and no dinner is made...even though there's food, drink, and time to do so...and that's their job. I have an unfinished bedroom, complete with exposed drywall and mud. I have the paint, sand paper, rollers, bedding...everything needed to complete the room, but someone is too busy working on projects for other people, or just hanging out in the "cave".

I really do not look forward to coming home anymore. I'm so fed up with things.

Ok, I just came back from a baby shower for my cousin. She is due in about 3 months. My other cousin, her sister, she, and I were close growing up. They were like my little sisters. I told them, when they got to be about 10 or so, that neither of them could get married before I got married. Well...that was about 15-16 years ago. And, guess what...both of them are married. AND, both of them are mothers. Well, one will be a mom in 3 months, the other had her baby in January. So, both of my worst nightmares have come true. I am going to be alone and childless for the rest of my life. And, the frustrating part is that I have tried for SO many years to get the house cleaned up and repaired so I can pass the home inspection for fostering and adopting, and EVERY time I come close, SOMETHING comes up. E-V-E-R-Y time!!! We run out of money for the home repairs. We have no people to help us get the stuff done. We have no energy to do the things we need to do. Something in the world is trying to tell me I'm doing it wrong. Maybe I have it all wrong and I'm NOT supposed to be married. Maybe I'm NOT supposed to be a mother. Maybe this is God's way of telling me I'm not cut out to do this.

Maybe...

That's where I am right now. I'm going to do a little step work to see if that will help. I'm probably going to call my sponsor, too. She's been pretty good about calling me back and walking me through these things. Of course, I haven't really had a crisis in my life since she's been my sponsor. But, she's been amazing so far. I'm blessed to have her.