Question Fifty-Nine: Do I have a sense of my relative importance within my circle of family and friends? In society as a whole? What is that sense.

I don't have a good sense of my own importance to my family and friends. I've always struggled with feeling less than, but I'm learning through NA and working my program and these steps, as well as listening to others share at meetings, that I am just right-sized.

Now, what does that look like? No clue! I know that my parents and (most of) my family loves me! I've alwasy been uneasy that no one really likes me. That's one thing that my parents have done for me: taught me the difference between liking someone and loving someone. I NEVER questioned whether they loved me or not. I ALWAYS, on the other hand, questioned whether or not they liked me...liked hanging around with me...being in the same room with me.

Society, I've never fit in. From the time I was little, I was always just a little different than everyone else. I was taller, I was scrawnier, I was brainier, I was fatter, I was shyer...I think that's why I appreciated working in classrooms with Special Needs kids. I hated recess as a kid, so I'd go into the Special Ed room and work with kids during my recess...then go back to my class when recess was over. I'm grateful for those experiences because they made me who I am. I've always been on the outside looking in.

Now, however, I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in...except in NA. This is the first place I've felt 100% welcome and not judged. I have no problem going in, sharing what's on my mind, welcoming the newcomer, and doing service work BECAUSE I've been welcomed from day one.

I'm trying to take the sense of my importance from NA into my everyday life. It's a slow process, but I can already see the change from 1 year ago.