Unmanageability has been a tough one for me. I used so I COULD manage everything. Granted, I didn't manage anything as well as I could have. My mind was in such chaos that I couldn't think straight unless I was loaded. There was too much going on inside me, and outside me, that I couldn't function without using.
However, I have learned throughout this program that unmanageability can mean so many things. For me, I think proof of unmanageability is my lack of ability to keep a job for more than 2 years. I've had 22 jobs since I started working at age 17. The longest I've kept a job is 2 years and 4 months. And, I've "quit" nearly every job I've had...not because something better came along, but because I knew I was getting fired. My attendance sucked! My motivation was good, but my follow-through was awful. And, sometimes I just didn't feel like going to work...so I didn't, and blamed it on a migraine - which I've had since I was 10 years old and have legitimately had to miss work because of them.
I've also had unmanageable thoughts. The reason I started using was because of a DV relationship I was in at 15 years old. I have used something to numb the pain every day since - be it pills, food, computer games, school...whatever. I have spent every day since trying to prove I'm worth being here - worth the air I breathe - and have failed every time.
Ok, after re-reading the question, I realized I've answered the next 3 questions but not this one!
Unmanageability means the inability to keep things going on my own. It means that I do not have the skills, ability, or tools to take control and responsibility for my life. It means the lack of desire and ability to take care of myself, making sure I'm healthy, in order to take care of my responsibilities.
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