Humility has always been a hard one for me...not in feeling humble or acting humble...it's feeling TOO humble. K, that really didn't make sense, but let me explain.
So, growing up in the church, humility was always taught as a positive thing. However, I had an example of humility that was out of balance and unhealthy. My former Pastor's wife practiced her humility out in public. She was always commenting on how lowly we had to be in order to glorify God. Which, in essence, is true. However, I believe (only because I have learned about being "right-sized" from the rooms of NA) that the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the parading around with saccloth and ashes...that's not humility...that's an inverted sense of pride. But, from the time I was 14 years old, that's what I saw as the example of humility.
So, from that time on, I internalized that example and took it to the extreme. I always put others first...I always made sure everyone else was happy, taken care of, loved...because I thought that's what I had to do.
Since joining NA, I'm learning that it's OK to put myself in the mix, too, yet remain in a mindset of servanthood. Balance...it's all about balance.
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